Infertility sucks. Everything about it is hard, but the hardest part about infertility is all the waiting.
The hardest part about infertility for me, hands down, was the WAITING.
You wait and you wait and then you wait some more…
I could do all of the shots, hormones, blood draws, pricks and probes 100 times over if it would take away the waiting.
Before infertility I would not consider myself an overly patient person… but you have no choice but to be when it comes to dealing with infertility.
The waiting is infuriating, it’s unfair, it’s draining, it’s truly paralyzing at times.
Have you ever seen one of those memes that says “what a year this month has been“… That is infertility every month. It’s a brutal cycle of 2 weeks of hope followed by 2 agonizing weeks of waiting, defeat, heartbreak and starting the whole process all over again.
When we started IVF I thought, finally, we’re here, but then the waiting just started again. Our IVF cycle from the first day of stims to the day of our embryo transfer took 2 full months, that is not including the 3 weeks of birth control before starting stims or the 2 week wait to see if the transfer took. It’s so. much. WAITING… you wait for your body to be ready to trigger, wait for the doctor to tell you how many eggs they got, wait for the fertilization report, wait for the 5 day embryo report, wait for the genetic testing results, wait for your frozen embryo transfer… and then the dreaded two week wait.
How I dealt with all the waiting
Not super well, if I’m being honest. It felt so unfair that we were still waiting for something that comes so easily to others. After all you go through with infertility the fact that IVF is also a long process is tough to deal with. I can’t imagine all of the women who suffer through it again and again, round after round, they are truly amazing.
The Two Week Wait
Every TWW in this process is excruciating. Whether you are months in to trying on your own or you are in the TWW from an IVF transfer, counting down the days until you can take a test or go for your beta blood test is exhausting.
I felt completely insane during the TWW after our frozen embryo transfer. Mostly because I wasn’t feeling much of anything at all and I was paralyzed with the fear that it may not have worked. Every “symptom” I had could have been blamed on the estrogen and progesterone supplements and it makes you a little crazy.
People will tell you to try to distract yourself or say “don’t think about it“, but that is bull and actually impossible.
I’m here to tell you that you do whatever you need to to make it through…
Cry, sob even, everyday if you have to.
Chocolate, ice cream? If it helps, do it.
It will pass and there will be an outcome at the end, good or bad. You will make it through the TWW and it will be another step in the journey. It’s a totally crappy journey, but in the end it will be worth the wait!
I would also like to acknowledge all of the couples that are dealing with the worst kind of waiting right now. Those who’s cycles have been cancelled or postponed due to the global pandemic. Another unfair twist in your journey that would make me feel completely out of control. We were lucky to have had our transfer right before the world turned upside down. I am praying for you and for this time to pass quickly.
If you have any questions about infertility or need someone to talk to I am always here! Feel free to reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.